Sweet Macy...

In 2001 Jamey and I moved into our new house. Our first house as a couple. We pulled into the driveway. we could see 2 eyes shining in the darkness. A black dog - mostly lab we thought - wagged her tail at us as we got out of the car. "Go home" we told her. She just looked at us. Then she sat. "Look, Jamey, she can sit! " I said. She stood back up, I said "sit" and she did just that. Jamey then picked up a stick and threw it. She ran to get it, ran it back and dropped it at Jamey's feet.
"We can't keep a dog. We both work full time. We have a new house to take care of. We will put up some signs, put an ad in the paper. Someone obviously took care of her. Who in the world would abandon a dog like this?"
But she never left us. The vet estimated her at 2 years old, so we have no idea where she was before she came to us, and we had no idea how much she would mean to us through the next 9 years.
We named her Macy. When Jamey propsed to me in 2000, he sang part of a Macy Gray song to me, so we thought it was a good name. She learned it instantly.
"She will be an outside dog."
Right, I can't exactly remember, but Im willing to bet she did not spend one single night outside in the backyard. She moved right in and that was that.
She was ours and we loved her. Jamey worked nights at the mall back then and Macy was my companion. She was more than happy to sit right next to the bathtub while I took a bath at night, right next to me while I brushed my teeth and then right by the bed as I fell asleep. Jamey came in one night with a hat on and Macy did not recognize him. That is the only time I had a glimpse of her in a moment she felt compelled to protect me. He quickly called her name and she relaxed.
We loved her when we brought Ansley home from the hospital. We have video of bringing Ansley in the house for the first time and Macy going to look in the car seat at her with a gentle wag of her tail. In those foggy, emotional days after our babies came home from the hospital, she would sit right by my feet while I nursed and rocked, nursed and rocked. Many times we would find Macy asleep right next to the crib and then later next to the kids' beds.
I could not count the number of people who said how special Macy was. She would never think of jumping on someone or eating something without getting permission first. She loved the water. We would take her to the beach or lake and she would swim herself to exhaustion.
Sweet and gentle, she would lay as Ansley or Stephen climbed on her or sat on her or kissed her. Never once did I worry with her around. When it appeared a few years ago I may lose my job through cutbacks, I came home one day, sat down on the kitchen floor and cried. Macy sat right with me while I cried and cried and cried every tear I had held in for probably the past year or two. She let me cry with her head in my lap and hands and I was better for it.
She did not like for us to leave. We left her one time at a swanky boarding house for animals while we went on vacation. She worried herself sick - literally. So we never ever did that again. Sitters were brought to the house for her or she went to stay with my dad - where I am pretty sure she slept on the couch (with his full permission of course)
She loved playing fetch and she loved to sit by my dad who would sneak her bites of his supper.

When we lost her this week so suddenly....
She went for her checkup in May and was great. Healthy, aging, but looked great.
The past 2 weeks she was losing weight - losing interest in food - even people food. I think I knew in my heart before I was ready to admit it that something was wrong. Our trip to the vet Thursday confirmed my fears.

She was our first baby. Our sweet, gentle Macy who wanted nothing more that to love us and be with us. I hope we gave her all she deserved. I hope she was not scared in the end.

I have pictures of her I want to post - but its too hard to look right now..

I know for some without pets, this might be a tad difficult to understand. But for those who have made these bonds, who have spent years caring, you understand our pain.
I still catch myself looking for her....